5 Pieces of Gear that Will Help Get You Laid!

Ever been at a gig where you’ve played your balls off for a room full of tail and at the end of the night, the only way your gonna get your pickle wet is by taking a cold shower. The whole time, your bass player is walking out of the gig with a giggling groupie under each arm while asking if he could have the van for a few hours. What’s he got that you don’t? That’s easy, confidence, and nothing breeds confidence like killer gear.

You may say, “Well what about tone?” Tone’s important! I ain’t gonna lie. But, let’s face it, a Honda Accord is a shitload more reliable than a Viper, but how many gals do you know that are stoked about ripping their panties off in the back of a Honda?  Besides, relax. You can have awesome tone and still get gear that looks cool. So, if you’re looking for the gear that’s gonna give you the scrotial aptitude to pick up any chick in the place, you’ll wanna check these out.

V Sozo guitar (White)

Nothing says “stud” like shredding on a white V, and Sozo’s got you covered. Solid white mahogany body with black binding and hardware, this guitar is both simple but will still get you noticed. A patented “Z” tailpiece really adds edge to this axe, and when you start ripping on the 25.5” scale length and the high-output humbuckers, there won’t be a pair of dry panties in the audience. (click here for more details on Sozo Guitars)

A Bugera Amp

If you’re on the cheap, Bugera has brutal crunch and the cleans for those ballads that’s gonna get you that blonde with the big tits by the bar. If you’re looking for balls-out rock tone, check out their new 333 Infinium, a 120 watt 3-channel amp that’s sure to get you noticed. Another good choice is the V series, which sports creme tolex, and a sparkle grill cloth!  And, Bugera’s got that European name to it. Chick’s love the whole euro thing! (Check prices on the new TriRec and Magician)

A Soldano Amp

This kinda works like the Bugera, but it’s for the big spenders. Go for the 100 Watt Hot Rod Avenger for your BangYourHead needs. I mean “Hot Rod?” The only way that could be clearer for the opposite sex is if it was called something like, ‘have sex with me and you’ll have multiple orgasms.’ If you’re looking for something a little less aggressive (you know, to show em your sensitive side) go for the 50-watt Lucky, and hopefully you’ll get ‘Lucky.’  Personally, we love snakeskin, on amps, g-strings, and sexy high heel shoes!  You and your gal can go shopping together!

ISP G-String Pedal

– Here’s the scenario.

• Girl: “How come your guitar sounds so clean?”
• You: “Oh. That’s the G-String.”
• Girl: “No! This is a G-String.”

I think you know where this is going. The G-String is a noise reduction pedal that will keep you’re tone intact while making sure that you’re not the asshole who’s getting that 60 cycle hum every time there’s a break in the song.

ISP Fetish Pedal

To go along with all that noise reduction, how about something that makes, well, noise. A definite conversation starter, especially if she’s into whips and chains, the Fetish Pedal is a balls-to-the-wall distortion pedal that ranges through the whole gambit of tones. Blues, Classic Rock, Metal, whatever be your flavor you’ll get out this little devise. Whether it’s used as a boost, or a full on overdrive, the field-effect transistors will give you those tube-like tone and dynamics.

So, listen. I know most of you guys are gonna be like, “Man, it’s about the tone.” Nobody’s telling you different here. But, if you can look as good as you sound, then maybe you’ll take home someone else to play with your instrument.